One year ago, today, you left this world. I remember when my older brother, Andrew, called. I remember the way his voice cracked in pain when he told me. He told me first, and said we had to go tell the others. Our Mother, our younger brother, Mike, 21, and our younger sister Erin, 11 at the time. I was outside of a cafe. I rode my bike there and it wasn't warm. It wasn't cold either. But it was very gray and windy, and I'll never forget the way the air tasted that day.
A frantic sadness washed over me and the world around me spun. If I went back to that spot today, I think it would still be spinning. I waited for Andrew to pick me up, and called my ex-girlfriend who I hadn't talked to in 5 days, since we broke up. We were together for 2 and a half years. She didn't really know what to say to me, but she worried for me. The whole act was habit, but hearing her voice was almost as surreal as what I was feeling. Tears were not worth fighting. I must have looked crazy, breaking down like that in public. I don't even remember what the coffee tasted like or if I even finished it.
We went to my Mom's house. They were glad to see us, because they didn't know why we were there. But they could tell something was wrong. Saying it still sounded like a lie. "Dad's dead. He killed himself." Poor Erin. She's so damn young, and doesn't deserve to hear it... to know it, but she did. Too smart for her own good. And Mike... watching him was like watching a bottle overflow. Everything he kept in for so long finally pouring out of him. "God, I love you... I love you all, so much." And Andrew. The castle of strength, intelligence, confidence, responsibility, love, and rationality... crumbling. It hurt more to see how it affected them all individually, than it did to think of my own pain. My Mom... I think she saw it too. I held her so tight, the epitome of survival, maternal love, and genuine humanity, her feelings so natural.
The next few weeks were a blur. We all spent the time together in my Mom's house. Andrew had Amber, his girlfriend, and his 3 year old son Athan with him. Day after day went by and everything mercurial... The emotions were turbulent, causing perception to change a flow by the minute. At times we couldn't stay away from each other, and at times we walked around the house as if we never saw each other, lost in our thoughts. Lost. Found. Losing. Looking. Finding. And then, suddenly, we went back to our lives...
I know you knew what this felt like, Dad. I know you lost people you loved too. I'm not mad... I never was. I was mad at myself for letting the problems you were having affect me, and not stepping up to show my love. To spend some time with you. And I'm sorry for not answering the phone the few days before it happened. I think you left a message, but like most of the others I deleted them before listening. I hated hurting because you hurt, and I'm sorry... After you left, I called your phone for a while, just to hear your voice-mail. I might have even left a message, but I don't remember.
I know we didn't believe the same things, but if your own beliefs dictate what happens after the life has left your body, then I really hope you're in heaven. I know what that meant to you. And I hope you have the internet up there and that computers are simpler so you can find a way to read this.
It's been a long year, Dad, and I mostly just miss you. I don't grieve so much as I just want to tell you things. Since you left, Mike found a lost love once. Since you left, Erin has matured and been involved in just about every school activity imaginable. We're so proud of her. Since you left, Andrew and Amber got married. It was a great wedding but you probably would have thought Andrew was foolish. We wore kilts, your brother Tim played music at the reception, and I got really drunk and danced on a table. Since you left, your older brother also passed away. Since you left, your younger brother's wife left him. He has struggled so much, but we love him and keep pulling for him. Since you left, I met another girl, Hannah, and wish you could have met her. We moved in together, and I think she's the one. I know she would have made you smile and laugh and be proud of me. Since you left, we took some of your ashes up to Vail mountain. There's a lone pine tree on the back side at Game Creek Bowl. There are some of your ashes buried at the tree. I will meet you there this summer. Since you left, I had a film in the Denver Film Festival, and I wished you could have come. Since you left, Andrew and Amber had another baby boy, Alaka'i Reed Garst. I haven't met him yet, as of today he's only 3 days old. Since you left, you brought all of us closer and our love has grown. So, I hope you saw it all and that I'm telling you old news right now.
I think of you a lot. And I know you were proud of us all and loved us. But I didn't know if you knew it was mutual. But it was. Where ever your spirit may be, I hope it's quiet and relaxing, and just nice.
Your son,
Benjamin
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Gifts Like White Elephants
If the title of the post seems familiar, it's because it refers not only to the short film I made a year ago and also the Ernest Hemingway short story "Hills Like White Elephants" which was adapted for the short film. I bring this project up because it seems to be at the end of it's run. Just as I feel like many more projects are arising for me, almost on a daily basis, I feel like it is extremely important to me to remember this project.
First of all, Gifts Like White Elephants would not have happened if it weren't for Luke Sorge. By far one of the best writers that I've had film classes with, or even that I've ever had the pleasure knowing, Luke wrote this script when I was beginning my sophomore year of film classes. I remember the class he wrote it for and hearing it read aloud and having an unexplainable fascination of the script. It wasn't until the following semester when I had another class with Luke and began to develop a friendship with him. The class was a Director's Workshop where we all had to act and direct. We also had a production class together and wanted to team up for the final project for that class. So, after many meetings in the car ride from the Workshop in Lowry, the script for Gifts was mentioned and I immediately decided that's what we'd do... and of course Luke obliged, though I think he was frightened by my enthusiasm.
I was to direct, so I did many different breakdowns for the actor for the Workshop class, and Luke was one of the main characters, along with Hannah Fergesen, who starred as the girl, Jig. It was a simple script; two characters, one location. And we rounded up a small crew and used my Mom's house to shoot. We only had one day scheduled for shooting, and it was a nine page script. My initial idea was to shoot the entire thing in one continuous shot, but when we were setting up, it became obvious that wouldn't happen. We got the lights set up for that idea though, and went with the same lighting set-up the whole day. That's when things started going wrong.
We started shooting in HD, but the hard drive and computer we were using crashed about 5 minutes into shooting. We were already about a half hour behind because some people were late, and this set us back about another hour and a half. We just sat trying to figure it out, and the longer we did the more anxious I got. Finally, once we were almost 4 hours behind, we decided to put some tapes in and go to two hand-held cameras. The shot list was out the door, and I went from just directing to operating a camera simultaneously. This was what saved the shoot as well as made the film so much fun for me to work on.
We also had a few other snags, like the window being kind of blown out because we had to hide that it was snowing outside when the script takes place on a hot summer day. This also caused us to set up a crazy tarp contraption to protect the lights. All in all, nothing really went as planned, but it allowed the production to be completely organic in how it aided the story. And, we ended up finishing only an hour off schedule, so we made up 3 hours of shooting. We all patted ourselves on the back and enjoyed a big dinner that night.
The film ended up getting praise from my professors for the performances, which were really good even to me. This was a surprise because I had never spent that much time with actors. Directing became a whole new world for me as I watched the actors bring a whole new meaning to the story through their interpretations of my direction. After some debate, I submitted it to the Denver International Film Festival, where it was accepted and premiered. I got even more positive feedback after the screenings there and still have people tell me they saw my film there. At one point, I had to do some interviews and somebody asked me if I had any advice to fellow filmmakers or film students, and what I said was just to 'submit, submit, submit.' You never know where your film will end up and where you might go to follow it. There may be some gratification in posting on youtube or myspace or facebook, but it's much more fulfilling to be in a theatre crowded with people who paid to be there, watching your film projected on a big screen, and getting serious feedback from people who care and appreciate films.
Although I am an advocate for submitting, the few other festivals I've submitted to recently responded, and unfortunately, Gifts didn't get into those festivals. I'm still considering one or two other festivals, but nothing is certain at this point since I've got a full plate. So, if you're reading this and are interested in the film, you can visit http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1365609/ or email me at tikireel@gmail.com for more info. This film was a milestone for me in terms of how I will approach film making as a director in the future and I hope that it is just the beginning of a career of valuable learning experiences through film. Thanks to Hannah and Luke for their hard work and helping me learn the actor's process.
First of all, Gifts Like White Elephants would not have happened if it weren't for Luke Sorge. By far one of the best writers that I've had film classes with, or even that I've ever had the pleasure knowing, Luke wrote this script when I was beginning my sophomore year of film classes. I remember the class he wrote it for and hearing it read aloud and having an unexplainable fascination of the script. It wasn't until the following semester when I had another class with Luke and began to develop a friendship with him. The class was a Director's Workshop where we all had to act and direct. We also had a production class together and wanted to team up for the final project for that class. So, after many meetings in the car ride from the Workshop in Lowry, the script for Gifts was mentioned and I immediately decided that's what we'd do... and of course Luke obliged, though I think he was frightened by my enthusiasm.
I was to direct, so I did many different breakdowns for the actor for the Workshop class, and Luke was one of the main characters, along with Hannah Fergesen, who starred as the girl, Jig. It was a simple script; two characters, one location. And we rounded up a small crew and used my Mom's house to shoot. We only had one day scheduled for shooting, and it was a nine page script. My initial idea was to shoot the entire thing in one continuous shot, but when we were setting up, it became obvious that wouldn't happen. We got the lights set up for that idea though, and went with the same lighting set-up the whole day. That's when things started going wrong.
We started shooting in HD, but the hard drive and computer we were using crashed about 5 minutes into shooting. We were already about a half hour behind because some people were late, and this set us back about another hour and a half. We just sat trying to figure it out, and the longer we did the more anxious I got. Finally, once we were almost 4 hours behind, we decided to put some tapes in and go to two hand-held cameras. The shot list was out the door, and I went from just directing to operating a camera simultaneously. This was what saved the shoot as well as made the film so much fun for me to work on.
We also had a few other snags, like the window being kind of blown out because we had to hide that it was snowing outside when the script takes place on a hot summer day. This also caused us to set up a crazy tarp contraption to protect the lights. All in all, nothing really went as planned, but it allowed the production to be completely organic in how it aided the story. And, we ended up finishing only an hour off schedule, so we made up 3 hours of shooting. We all patted ourselves on the back and enjoyed a big dinner that night.
The film ended up getting praise from my professors for the performances, which were really good even to me. This was a surprise because I had never spent that much time with actors. Directing became a whole new world for me as I watched the actors bring a whole new meaning to the story through their interpretations of my direction. After some debate, I submitted it to the Denver International Film Festival, where it was accepted and premiered. I got even more positive feedback after the screenings there and still have people tell me they saw my film there. At one point, I had to do some interviews and somebody asked me if I had any advice to fellow filmmakers or film students, and what I said was just to 'submit, submit, submit.' You never know where your film will end up and where you might go to follow it. There may be some gratification in posting on youtube or myspace or facebook, but it's much more fulfilling to be in a theatre crowded with people who paid to be there, watching your film projected on a big screen, and getting serious feedback from people who care and appreciate films.
Although I am an advocate for submitting, the few other festivals I've submitted to recently responded, and unfortunately, Gifts didn't get into those festivals. I'm still considering one or two other festivals, but nothing is certain at this point since I've got a full plate. So, if you're reading this and are interested in the film, you can visit http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1365609/ or email me at tikireel@gmail.com for more info. This film was a milestone for me in terms of how I will approach film making as a director in the future and I hope that it is just the beginning of a career of valuable learning experiences through film. Thanks to Hannah and Luke for their hard work and helping me learn the actor's process.
Monday, February 23, 2009
A disappointment at the 81st annual Acadamy Awards
Okay... I hate using a blog as a place to vent, so I'm going to try to avoid that as much as possible and just state my case. The dilemma I'm facing is that I want to like the Oscars. I really do. I want to like them because, for whatever reason, I hope to get one myself one day. I even had a goal at one point to have one in my hands by the time I'm 30. I know it's far-fetched and not likely, but I haven't quite abandoned it completely. But every year I feel like I'm getting closer and closer to throwing that goal away. Who cares, right? Well, in terms of film making in America, I still do have faith that the Oscars are prestigious awards that are given, unbiasedly, to the films, filmmakers, artists and talent who earn them. This leads me to my issue with this year's Oscars, and for the sake of argument, I would like to emphasize the words "earn" and "talent."
I've felt like certain films have been robbed in the past, and just to set the record, I haven't even cared that much about the Oscars until about 5 years ago. I've watched them longer than that, and had opinions, but never objectively formed opinions and comparisons on the nominations.
Now, I know it's still an honor just to be nominated, don't get me wrong, I would probably die happy with just a mere nomination. And although I have a few qualms, I think that the 81st annual Academy Awards was one of the most just, in terms of those awarded, that I've seen in the past three or four years. They especially did well in terms of how they were presented. The stage was beautiful, the announcing of the nominees was incredibly honorable, the music and performances were breathtaking, and in my mind, you just can't go wrong with Hugh Jackman.
Since I've made my disclaimer, I now propose the bewildering question of why didn't Mickey Rourke win best actor? My issue with this award is not that Sean Penn was bad. I haven't seen Milk (which some would say constitutes my opinion as garbage off the bat), but I don't doubt Sean Penn was good. I love Penn, and I think Gus Van Sant is a great director. Mickey Rourke was just better, and I do know this.
I will go see Milk, I promise. But I know it's not a film I will be startled by the Performance with. I honestly think Mickey Rourke as Randy the Ram was overlooked due to the lack of people seeing The Wrestler as well as the unconventional story of the film itself. With Milk, you have a character who is based on actuality with specific events that make up a story that is readily accessible for a broad audience. Not to mention the topic is gay rights, which is going to draw a crowd just because of the controversy. Even with out seeing it, I know that Harvey Milk is a great dramatic character with an incredible dramatic story. So what could make Mickey Rourke as The Ram better?
Once again, only my opinion, but I think if the judges would have viewed the film more carefully, they might have reconsidered.
I have only seen The Wrestler once, and it affected me on more levels than just about every film I've seen within the past five years. The film is not about somebody known, or any historic events. Mickey Rourke's performance is one that has drawn on his own life experiences to play the character Randy the Ram. This makes the character a lot more identifiable, not just for Rourke, but also for the viewer. If I am wrong, feel free to tell me so, but Rourke's performance brings a whole new meaning to character identification. Although I can't identify with a ex-professional wrestler, the movie isn't about wrestlers and the sport. It shows you the world and forces you to feel and experience it through Randy the Ram. This makes the topic more broad and allows you to draw parallels of Randy's emotions and experiences to your own.
As far as performances in general go, Rourke's is also on of the most daring I've seen in a contemporary film. He puts himself on the line, not just emotionally, but extremely physically. Other actors do take physical risks for their characters, but it's very rare we see an actor bleeding for their character. And it's not just the way he bleeds, it's how he does it. Everything Rourke does, regardless of how he's being directed, is perfect for the character. In these ways, I've never felt like I was right next to a character, or with the character the way I was with Rourke's Ram. I only wish enough people would see the movie, and actually watch it without viewer inhibition and discrimination, and experience the universal truths that Mickey Rourke brings to humanity through Randy the Ram's struggles.
Sorry if you didn't want to hear that, but I just had to say it. And I know I'm not the only person feeling it, so I don't care if you disagree. Outside of that, I am very, VERY pleased to see Slumdog Millionaire win 8 out of the 18 of 24 Oscars it was eligible for, 9 of which it was nominated for and 2 nominations for Best Song. I was very frightened that Benjamin Button was going to take many that it didn't deserve. I love David Fincher and Brad Pitt, so I'm glad the film had nominations, but it rightfully didn't deserve the awards. I was also glad to see Heath Ledger win Best Supporting Actor for the Joker. I won't go off again, but for the best supporting actor to have put so much into his role that it physically killed him in the end... well, that's dedication. And it would have been nice to see the Best Actor also be somebody who put a lot more than should ever be expected on the line for their role.
Lastly, and this is truly pointless venting here, I don't get why every year the best costume goes to a period piece. I understand all the work that goes into it, and maybe the only reason The Duchess won was because all the other films nominated had their characters in just suits... It just seems like costume design should be considered not just in terms of how spectacular it is, but maybe how much the costumes contribute to the mise en scene and the characters lives throughout the story. Maybe Benjamin Button should have won this...
I'm done now. And I do want to end with saying that all in all, it was an amazing ceremony to watch. I only hope they continue on the road this year's Oscars were on in the future and begin paying notice where it's due. I would like to thank my oolong-tea-and-banana breakfast, and my Diet Dr. Pepper for helping me put this blog together. And thank you for reading this nonsense.
I've felt like certain films have been robbed in the past, and just to set the record, I haven't even cared that much about the Oscars until about 5 years ago. I've watched them longer than that, and had opinions, but never objectively formed opinions and comparisons on the nominations.
Now, I know it's still an honor just to be nominated, don't get me wrong, I would probably die happy with just a mere nomination. And although I have a few qualms, I think that the 81st annual Academy Awards was one of the most just, in terms of those awarded, that I've seen in the past three or four years. They especially did well in terms of how they were presented. The stage was beautiful, the announcing of the nominees was incredibly honorable, the music and performances were breathtaking, and in my mind, you just can't go wrong with Hugh Jackman.
Since I've made my disclaimer, I now propose the bewildering question of why didn't Mickey Rourke win best actor? My issue with this award is not that Sean Penn was bad. I haven't seen Milk (which some would say constitutes my opinion as garbage off the bat), but I don't doubt Sean Penn was good. I love Penn, and I think Gus Van Sant is a great director. Mickey Rourke was just better, and I do know this.
I will go see Milk, I promise. But I know it's not a film I will be startled by the Performance with. I honestly think Mickey Rourke as Randy the Ram was overlooked due to the lack of people seeing The Wrestler as well as the unconventional story of the film itself. With Milk, you have a character who is based on actuality with specific events that make up a story that is readily accessible for a broad audience. Not to mention the topic is gay rights, which is going to draw a crowd just because of the controversy. Even with out seeing it, I know that Harvey Milk is a great dramatic character with an incredible dramatic story. So what could make Mickey Rourke as The Ram better?
Once again, only my opinion, but I think if the judges would have viewed the film more carefully, they might have reconsidered.
I have only seen The Wrestler once, and it affected me on more levels than just about every film I've seen within the past five years. The film is not about somebody known, or any historic events. Mickey Rourke's performance is one that has drawn on his own life experiences to play the character Randy the Ram. This makes the character a lot more identifiable, not just for Rourke, but also for the viewer. If I am wrong, feel free to tell me so, but Rourke's performance brings a whole new meaning to character identification. Although I can't identify with a ex-professional wrestler, the movie isn't about wrestlers and the sport. It shows you the world and forces you to feel and experience it through Randy the Ram. This makes the topic more broad and allows you to draw parallels of Randy's emotions and experiences to your own.
As far as performances in general go, Rourke's is also on of the most daring I've seen in a contemporary film. He puts himself on the line, not just emotionally, but extremely physically. Other actors do take physical risks for their characters, but it's very rare we see an actor bleeding for their character. And it's not just the way he bleeds, it's how he does it. Everything Rourke does, regardless of how he's being directed, is perfect for the character. In these ways, I've never felt like I was right next to a character, or with the character the way I was with Rourke's Ram. I only wish enough people would see the movie, and actually watch it without viewer inhibition and discrimination, and experience the universal truths that Mickey Rourke brings to humanity through Randy the Ram's struggles.
Sorry if you didn't want to hear that, but I just had to say it. And I know I'm not the only person feeling it, so I don't care if you disagree. Outside of that, I am very, VERY pleased to see Slumdog Millionaire win 8 out of the 18 of 24 Oscars it was eligible for, 9 of which it was nominated for and 2 nominations for Best Song. I was very frightened that Benjamin Button was going to take many that it didn't deserve. I love David Fincher and Brad Pitt, so I'm glad the film had nominations, but it rightfully didn't deserve the awards. I was also glad to see Heath Ledger win Best Supporting Actor for the Joker. I won't go off again, but for the best supporting actor to have put so much into his role that it physically killed him in the end... well, that's dedication. And it would have been nice to see the Best Actor also be somebody who put a lot more than should ever be expected on the line for their role.
Lastly, and this is truly pointless venting here, I don't get why every year the best costume goes to a period piece. I understand all the work that goes into it, and maybe the only reason The Duchess won was because all the other films nominated had their characters in just suits... It just seems like costume design should be considered not just in terms of how spectacular it is, but maybe how much the costumes contribute to the mise en scene and the characters lives throughout the story. Maybe Benjamin Button should have won this...
I'm done now. And I do want to end with saying that all in all, it was an amazing ceremony to watch. I only hope they continue on the road this year's Oscars were on in the future and begin paying notice where it's due. I would like to thank my oolong-tea-and-banana breakfast, and my Diet Dr. Pepper for helping me put this blog together. And thank you for reading this nonsense.
Monday, February 2, 2009
Monday morning poetry, #1
Folds
by Benjamin Garst
This mind is dense.
Packed with ponders and thoughts,
And Feelings and fears,
Questions without answers,
Memories so clear.
Where wonders and dreams
Can spawn ideas and creations.
Crowded with knowledge,
Yet, ever so spacious.
The intangible world
And unquenchable thirst,
Navigation with focus
To explore this universe.
Our mind is dense.
by Benjamin Garst
This mind is dense.
Packed with ponders and thoughts,
And Feelings and fears,
Questions without answers,
Memories so clear.
Where wonders and dreams
Can spawn ideas and creations.
Crowded with knowledge,
Yet, ever so spacious.
The intangible world
And unquenchable thirst,
Navigation with focus
To explore this universe.
Our mind is dense.
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Chasing your tail with existential questions...?
why, adv. (n., int.) a. In a direct question: For what reason? from what cause or motive? for what purpose? wherefore?
The simplest, most asked and most universal question in the human language (definition courtesy of Oxford English Dictionary, one of my many obsessions). As vague as it is, it leads me to a series of questions I always, always ask myself. Why? Why am I doing what I'm doing? Is filmmaking important? Yes. How? Is what I do with my life somehow vital to human existence? And so on, and so on. It's the question that demands questioning. So... what is the answer?
I don't claim to have the answer. Hell, I'm only 24. I'll be 25 in July, but as an optimist I'm celebrating my centennial (100 seasons). As a pessimist, it's probably the only centennial I'll get... But that's something to talk about later.
What I'm getting at is that I know I'm not the only one asking these questions. It's somehow built into our biological structure, from the first Homo species that showed increased brain size, we seem to have started questioning things. Which led to fire and primal hunting techniques, to language and art, to religion and civilization. Humans can't help but to hope there is a higher purpose, or reason for their existence. Why not? If we didn't find meaning in what we did, what would be the point? And that's where some people actually end up, and the answer is sometimes fatal for those who don't feel they have purpose. This, I know.
So, I ask YOU, as well as myself "Why am I making films?" and "Does film play a vital role to the existence and progression of humanity?" Now, they are big questions, no doubt. But I urge you to also ask yourself these. BUT, under ONE condition! Please always keep this in mind: If you don't have an answer that suits your ambitions or self-worth, or you don't have an answer at all, DON'T PANIC and don't do anything stupid. Because, to be perfectly honest, it is a STUPID question to begin with. So, it's important to ask the question, but it is a stupid question all the same (which is in a lot of ways the answer to question in itself). It's confusing, and that's life, and sometimes it's best to just kick back and ignore all the questions your mind tries to shove into your conscious.
That said, I don't have THE answer to my question. But, I believe I have a suitable answer that will probably hold back the tides of my mind long enough to try to come up with another good, deep question (see, I'm telling you. One question leads to the next, so, if you want to keep your "sanity" in tact, best you just turn around and head back to the womb). DISCLAIMER: The following is my own philosophy and theory based upon others' philosophies and theories, and may require a small amount of research or knowledge on our predecessors in order to truly make sense. P.S. Yes, I'm going for longest blog post to-date.
Does film play a vital role to the existence and progression of humanity?
Yes. I could leave it at that, but I wont. Film is and always has been vital to humanity on a few levels. Historically, forms of "art" and "storytelling" (which are the two key essences if film) have been around since the Neolithic era with cave paintings and Shamanism. In this way, the essences have been helping to shape cultures worldwide for nearly five millennia. But, (here comes another one) where does art come from? Our minds have been the source of art and stories longer than we've been able to express them.
Which brings me to the psychology of Carl Jung. He describes the mind as a sort of division of conscious and unconscious. When we sleep, and dream, our unconscious brings us images and experiences that our conscious is unable to access, partly due to our being civilized and unable to tap into our primal thoughts that are connected to the unconscious. And it's also worth mentioning that Jung puts a lot of emphasis on a collective conscious, which, in a nutshell is the theory that memories, knowledge and thoughts are interconnected through genes, memories, physics and mere interactions. Whew, bare with me, I'll get there.
So, the way I see it, stories in general come from the unconscious. Whether in a dream or a memory or pure imagination. And there's a French term, "abaissement du niveau mentale" which roughly translates to the "sinking of the mental level," or as Jung would say, entering the unconscious. When we go to see a movie at the theatre, very often we are walking DOWN the isle, we sit, and the lights dim to dark (and dark in general is often representative of the unconscious in Jungian theory). So, going to the theatre is somewhat of a literal act of "abaissement du niveau mentale." And the movie comes on, a blend of art and storytelling, and we have now accessed the unconscious (both personally and collectively).
This is my just one of the theories I've come to, but in round about way, this is why film is vital. According to Jung, everything is about balance. That is to say we need pain just as much as we need pleasure, or control and chaos, love and hate. Whatever it is, if it is unbalanced, it is due to our own repression in the unconscious of the lesser half. And repression is, to put it mildly, unhealthy (to the mind, body, soul, etc.).
Finally, I suggest that seeing films (or spying through the "window" into another's unconscious if you will) is vital because it provides some balance of the unconscious and conscious. It is a type of conscious access to the unconscious that we can access without going to sleep. Thus our primal desires to experience the essences of art and storytelling are fulfilled, and our conscious and unconscious more balance. Which is healthy. But, this is not to say you can use watching movies as a diet plan. Trust me. It doesn't work. I'm still trying to jog off my gut...
Now, I'm sorry that took so long, but I do have one other reason why it's important to me. I believe that people like to see movies because it's fun. Despite everything you read on blogs and reviews and criticisms, people DO like movies. They only do those things because it is part of the artistic circle in which the audience provides feedback (sometimes good, other times, not so). And it shows that they went, they watched, and the FELT something. I intend to make movies that make people FEEL. Whether that's joy, pain, sorrow, anger, excitement, or passion. I think THAT is the core of why it is vital. It is an experience, an adventure, that people can have without leaving their favorite theatre, couch, chair, bean bag, or for a lucky few, toilet seat. It is art and storytelling, and it is also entertainment.
Thanks for stopping by, and comments, emails, feedback and hate-mail are all greatly appreciated. Now go watch some movies!
The simplest, most asked and most universal question in the human language (definition courtesy of Oxford English Dictionary, one of my many obsessions). As vague as it is, it leads me to a series of questions I always, always ask myself. Why? Why am I doing what I'm doing? Is filmmaking important? Yes. How? Is what I do with my life somehow vital to human existence? And so on, and so on. It's the question that demands questioning. So... what is the answer?
I don't claim to have the answer. Hell, I'm only 24. I'll be 25 in July, but as an optimist I'm celebrating my centennial (100 seasons). As a pessimist, it's probably the only centennial I'll get... But that's something to talk about later.
What I'm getting at is that I know I'm not the only one asking these questions. It's somehow built into our biological structure, from the first Homo species that showed increased brain size, we seem to have started questioning things. Which led to fire and primal hunting techniques, to language and art, to religion and civilization. Humans can't help but to hope there is a higher purpose, or reason for their existence. Why not? If we didn't find meaning in what we did, what would be the point? And that's where some people actually end up, and the answer is sometimes fatal for those who don't feel they have purpose. This, I know.
So, I ask YOU, as well as myself "Why am I making films?" and "Does film play a vital role to the existence and progression of humanity?" Now, they are big questions, no doubt. But I urge you to also ask yourself these. BUT, under ONE condition! Please always keep this in mind: If you don't have an answer that suits your ambitions or self-worth, or you don't have an answer at all, DON'T PANIC and don't do anything stupid. Because, to be perfectly honest, it is a STUPID question to begin with. So, it's important to ask the question, but it is a stupid question all the same (which is in a lot of ways the answer to question in itself). It's confusing, and that's life, and sometimes it's best to just kick back and ignore all the questions your mind tries to shove into your conscious.
That said, I don't have THE answer to my question. But, I believe I have a suitable answer that will probably hold back the tides of my mind long enough to try to come up with another good, deep question (see, I'm telling you. One question leads to the next, so, if you want to keep your "sanity" in tact, best you just turn around and head back to the womb). DISCLAIMER: The following is my own philosophy and theory based upon others' philosophies and theories, and may require a small amount of research or knowledge on our predecessors in order to truly make sense. P.S. Yes, I'm going for longest blog post to-date.
Does film play a vital role to the existence and progression of humanity?
Yes. I could leave it at that, but I wont. Film is and always has been vital to humanity on a few levels. Historically, forms of "art" and "storytelling" (which are the two key essences if film) have been around since the Neolithic era with cave paintings and Shamanism. In this way, the essences have been helping to shape cultures worldwide for nearly five millennia. But, (here comes another one) where does art come from? Our minds have been the source of art and stories longer than we've been able to express them.
Which brings me to the psychology of Carl Jung. He describes the mind as a sort of division of conscious and unconscious. When we sleep, and dream, our unconscious brings us images and experiences that our conscious is unable to access, partly due to our being civilized and unable to tap into our primal thoughts that are connected to the unconscious. And it's also worth mentioning that Jung puts a lot of emphasis on a collective conscious, which, in a nutshell is the theory that memories, knowledge and thoughts are interconnected through genes, memories, physics and mere interactions. Whew, bare with me, I'll get there.
So, the way I see it, stories in general come from the unconscious. Whether in a dream or a memory or pure imagination. And there's a French term, "abaissement du niveau mentale" which roughly translates to the "sinking of the mental level," or as Jung would say, entering the unconscious. When we go to see a movie at the theatre, very often we are walking DOWN the isle, we sit, and the lights dim to dark (and dark in general is often representative of the unconscious in Jungian theory). So, going to the theatre is somewhat of a literal act of "abaissement du niveau mentale." And the movie comes on, a blend of art and storytelling, and we have now accessed the unconscious (both personally and collectively).
This is my just one of the theories I've come to, but in round about way, this is why film is vital. According to Jung, everything is about balance. That is to say we need pain just as much as we need pleasure, or control and chaos, love and hate. Whatever it is, if it is unbalanced, it is due to our own repression in the unconscious of the lesser half. And repression is, to put it mildly, unhealthy (to the mind, body, soul, etc.).
Finally, I suggest that seeing films (or spying through the "window" into another's unconscious if you will) is vital because it provides some balance of the unconscious and conscious. It is a type of conscious access to the unconscious that we can access without going to sleep. Thus our primal desires to experience the essences of art and storytelling are fulfilled, and our conscious and unconscious more balance. Which is healthy. But, this is not to say you can use watching movies as a diet plan. Trust me. It doesn't work. I'm still trying to jog off my gut...
Now, I'm sorry that took so long, but I do have one other reason why it's important to me. I believe that people like to see movies because it's fun. Despite everything you read on blogs and reviews and criticisms, people DO like movies. They only do those things because it is part of the artistic circle in which the audience provides feedback (sometimes good, other times, not so). And it shows that they went, they watched, and the FELT something. I intend to make movies that make people FEEL. Whether that's joy, pain, sorrow, anger, excitement, or passion. I think THAT is the core of why it is vital. It is an experience, an adventure, that people can have without leaving their favorite theatre, couch, chair, bean bag, or for a lucky few, toilet seat. It is art and storytelling, and it is also entertainment.
Thanks for stopping by, and comments, emails, feedback and hate-mail are all greatly appreciated. Now go watch some movies!
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
A Fresh Start
The Chinese got it right. I mean, there might be a lot of issues in China, but when it comes to a New Year, they planned it much better. Though it hasn't yet reached the Chinese New Year, it seems that our own New Year should be pushed back a little bit, since it's taken until this week for it to feel like a new year.
Yesterday, former senator Barrack Obama was inaugurated as the 44th president of the United States of America. I don't like to get too political, so I just want to say the I am relieved to see somebody in office who has a fresh outlook and the drive to make some changes. As long as America as a nation wakes up and realizes that the change starts with us, because we really do have an affect on how our government operates. Congratulations, Mr. Obama, good luck, and I hope that we, our nation, are able to pull things together on our side.
Yesterday was also a big day for my mother, Karen Reedy. Not a name anybody would recognize, but a woman to be recognized none-the-less. In the past 8 years she has held her head high in some of the deepest, darkest times of her life. She was forced declared bankruptcy along with my father, because their credit was tied together. She watched my father suffer injury, job loss, and loss of his mother, who single-handedly raised him and his brothers. She also watched my father fall into depression and delusion and tried her best to support him. She supported me, one of her four children, when I suffered the consequences for some bad choices and she helped me get back on my feet. She then suffered my father divorcing her after nearly 26 years, driven by his madness, as he had run off and found a new girlfriend. She saw her father, who she loved dearly, fall to mental-illness and old age and was at his hospital bed when he died, mostly from neglect from medical treatment facilities. And she continues to support herself, at 53, and my 12 year old sister, and my brother's and I when we need it... She has worked for what seems like an eternity, through all of this, up to 70 hours a week, 6 days a week, in some of the harshest weather conditions, delivering mail for the United States Post Office for 28 years. Yesterday was her first day of retirement. Congradulations mom. You deserve it more than you know, and I am so happy for you. I love you.
And finally, on a lighter note, I started classes yesterday. I am excited for what I hope to get done this semester. I have a fairly light class schedule and I hope to work a little more to help pay the bills with my free time. The class line-up goes as follows... Post-Production 3, History of Sound Film, Advanced Screenwriting, Topics in Film - Film Noir, and The Hero's Journey. It's probably the most excited I've been for classes since I decided to come back to school 3 years ago. And it's the first time since I think my first semester here that all my instructors are instructors I haven't had before.
With that, I hope everybody had as good of a day Mr. Obama, or my mom, or at least as good as mine (honestly, what kind of a dork gets excited for school?). Until next time...
Yesterday, former senator Barrack Obama was inaugurated as the 44th president of the United States of America. I don't like to get too political, so I just want to say the I am relieved to see somebody in office who has a fresh outlook and the drive to make some changes. As long as America as a nation wakes up and realizes that the change starts with us, because we really do have an affect on how our government operates. Congratulations, Mr. Obama, good luck, and I hope that we, our nation, are able to pull things together on our side.
Yesterday was also a big day for my mother, Karen Reedy. Not a name anybody would recognize, but a woman to be recognized none-the-less. In the past 8 years she has held her head high in some of the deepest, darkest times of her life. She was forced declared bankruptcy along with my father, because their credit was tied together. She watched my father suffer injury, job loss, and loss of his mother, who single-handedly raised him and his brothers. She also watched my father fall into depression and delusion and tried her best to support him. She supported me, one of her four children, when I suffered the consequences for some bad choices and she helped me get back on my feet. She then suffered my father divorcing her after nearly 26 years, driven by his madness, as he had run off and found a new girlfriend. She saw her father, who she loved dearly, fall to mental-illness and old age and was at his hospital bed when he died, mostly from neglect from medical treatment facilities. And she continues to support herself, at 53, and my 12 year old sister, and my brother's and I when we need it... She has worked for what seems like an eternity, through all of this, up to 70 hours a week, 6 days a week, in some of the harshest weather conditions, delivering mail for the United States Post Office for 28 years. Yesterday was her first day of retirement. Congradulations mom. You deserve it more than you know, and I am so happy for you. I love you.
And finally, on a lighter note, I started classes yesterday. I am excited for what I hope to get done this semester. I have a fairly light class schedule and I hope to work a little more to help pay the bills with my free time. The class line-up goes as follows... Post-Production 3, History of Sound Film, Advanced Screenwriting, Topics in Film - Film Noir, and The Hero's Journey. It's probably the most excited I've been for classes since I decided to come back to school 3 years ago. And it's the first time since I think my first semester here that all my instructors are instructors I haven't had before.
With that, I hope everybody had as good of a day Mr. Obama, or my mom, or at least as good as mine (honestly, what kind of a dork gets excited for school?). Until next time...
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
The New Year... fashionably late post
Happy New Year!... Okay, okay, I'm a little late with this post, but it's the thought that counts, right? Not a whole lot to report though. I mean there is, but I'll be brief.
My last post was just under a month ago (by one day) so I guess a lot has happened. A holiday here, moving, a holiday there... That was easier than I thought. Anyway, I did the whole Christmas with my family thing, which is always nice. I've never been huge on Christmas, except for now it's nice to be able to see my brothers and sister and mom, and I do like getting gifts for others. I'm not particular to getting gifts, I mean I like them, but it's not big deal really. But my family did pitch in and get me a little home espresso machine, so let's just say I've been extra caffeinated these days.
The day after Christmas, my lovely girlfriend Hannah and I moved out of the awful Cedar Run apartments (yes they are as bad as the name sounds) and into a cozy, not so little apartment on Capital Hill (Denver). It's great because it's a two bedroom, and it's about 15 minutes walking distance from Downtown. I set up the "studio" in the spare bedroom and we are living large. And for just a fraction bit more than the other place.
New Year's was great. My brother, sister-in-law and nephew (will be known as the A-team) came over to the new digs, along with a few of our friends, and we kept it mellow. I made some greasy finger foods (tempura fried jalapeno poppers and sweet potato french fries) and Hannah made deviled eggs. And there were drinks, games and good conversation for the rest of the evening. We don't have cable so we watched the count down through the white noise. I always try the New Year's resolution thing and fail, so I tried to be real about them this time. Here goes...
1. Don't move. (since I moved 3 times last year)
2. Write more. (kinda a given since I'm in film school and have writing classes)
3. Get rid of unnecessary crap. (already started)
4. Take advantage of the park near my new apartment and walk/jog/run more. (also already started.
5. Watch more movies.
6. Read more books. (I have 11 books to read for next semester, so I'll just count that.)
7. Blog more. (Like, at least every week or two)
Anyways, that's pretty much it. We've just been getting settled in to the Apartment, having people over to see it and getting back to work and the like. I've been outlining a script that I will be writing for class next semester and that's been coming along rather well. I think I will start a chain of blogs about it once I make more progress, just to track it. And Hannah has started writing the web series she wants to produce. I've even got to write a little bit for that as well. We will hopefully be shooting next summer, so look for updates on facebook or my website. We start classes next week, so I hope I will be able keep up on my posts, we'll see.
That brings me really briefly to the topic of writing. I realized something, just this morning actually, since I wrote an episode for Hannah's show. I've always had a hard time with comedy. People tell me I'm funny, but I've never written anything that embodies my sense of humor. But when Hannah read the episode I wrote, she was laughing at a specific character that I was able to write in a funny way. So the realization is that I CAN write funny, I just don't have any of my own funny characters. My characters are way too melodramatic. So, maybe a little off topic, but it was a sort of milestone in writing for me and I hope to start incorporating more humor into my work, or write something that is humor focused.
That is all for now.
My last post was just under a month ago (by one day) so I guess a lot has happened. A holiday here, moving, a holiday there... That was easier than I thought. Anyway, I did the whole Christmas with my family thing, which is always nice. I've never been huge on Christmas, except for now it's nice to be able to see my brothers and sister and mom, and I do like getting gifts for others. I'm not particular to getting gifts, I mean I like them, but it's not big deal really. But my family did pitch in and get me a little home espresso machine, so let's just say I've been extra caffeinated these days.
The day after Christmas, my lovely girlfriend Hannah and I moved out of the awful Cedar Run apartments (yes they are as bad as the name sounds) and into a cozy, not so little apartment on Capital Hill (Denver). It's great because it's a two bedroom, and it's about 15 minutes walking distance from Downtown. I set up the "studio" in the spare bedroom and we are living large. And for just a fraction bit more than the other place.
New Year's was great. My brother, sister-in-law and nephew (will be known as the A-team) came over to the new digs, along with a few of our friends, and we kept it mellow. I made some greasy finger foods (tempura fried jalapeno poppers and sweet potato french fries) and Hannah made deviled eggs. And there were drinks, games and good conversation for the rest of the evening. We don't have cable so we watched the count down through the white noise. I always try the New Year's resolution thing and fail, so I tried to be real about them this time. Here goes...
1. Don't move. (since I moved 3 times last year)
2. Write more. (kinda a given since I'm in film school and have writing classes)
3. Get rid of unnecessary crap. (already started)
4. Take advantage of the park near my new apartment and walk/jog/run more. (also already started.
5. Watch more movies.
6. Read more books. (I have 11 books to read for next semester, so I'll just count that.)
7. Blog more. (Like, at least every week or two)
Anyways, that's pretty much it. We've just been getting settled in to the Apartment, having people over to see it and getting back to work and the like. I've been outlining a script that I will be writing for class next semester and that's been coming along rather well. I think I will start a chain of blogs about it once I make more progress, just to track it. And Hannah has started writing the web series she wants to produce. I've even got to write a little bit for that as well. We will hopefully be shooting next summer, so look for updates on facebook or my website. We start classes next week, so I hope I will be able keep up on my posts, we'll see.
That brings me really briefly to the topic of writing. I realized something, just this morning actually, since I wrote an episode for Hannah's show. I've always had a hard time with comedy. People tell me I'm funny, but I've never written anything that embodies my sense of humor. But when Hannah read the episode I wrote, she was laughing at a specific character that I was able to write in a funny way. So the realization is that I CAN write funny, I just don't have any of my own funny characters. My characters are way too melodramatic. So, maybe a little off topic, but it was a sort of milestone in writing for me and I hope to start incorporating more humor into my work, or write something that is humor focused.
That is all for now.
Monday, December 15, 2008
Me vs. Ten Older Women
I've never considered myself a very good baker. I've pretty much always dabbled in cooking, and even took a culinary arts class in high school, but baking was never my strong point. But, as the saying goes, some things just come with age I guess. Not that I'm like... old, or anything. And I have a lot of love and respect for my elders, but in all fairness... I totally destroyed my Mom and her friends and family at their cookie exchange this past weekend. I know, I know. Not the typical thing a 24 year-old male would want to advertise or brag about. And it's not really bragging... I mean, the voting on best cookie was a democratic process, and between the 12 middle-aged women I was up against, and myself, I won. Fair and square. Though, your still probably thinking "what a bastard," allow me to defend my character further by saying that I only went to be with my Mom and family (the past month of straight studying and work left me with homesickness like you wouldn't believe). Anyway, the REAL point of this blog, is to share the recipe for my winning (in a completely friendly competition) cookie recipe.
Old Fashioned Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Cookies
1 cup butter, softened
1/2 cup white sugar
1 cup packed brown sugar
3 eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
2 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
3 cups quick cooking oats
DIRECTIONS
1. Preheat the oven to 375 degrees F (190 degrees C).
2. In a medium bowl, mix white sugar, butter, and brown sugar. Beat in eggs one at a time, then stir in vanilla.
3. Combine flour, cinnamon, baking soda, and salt, then stir into egg and sugar mixture. Mix in oats. Mix in chocolate chips, combining well. Cover, and chill dough for at least one hour.
4. Grease cookie sheets. Roll the dough into balls, and place 2 inches apart on cookie sheets. Bake for 8 to 10 minutes in preheated oven. Allow cookies to cool on baking sheet for 5 minutes before transferring to a wire rack to cool completely.
* For a little bit of a twist, try replacing the white sugar with maple syrup and adding 1/4 to 1/2 cup of flour (until consistency is right).
Enjoy, and thanks for reading!
Old Fashioned Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Cookies
1 cup butter, softened
1/2 cup white sugar
1 cup packed brown sugar
3 eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
2 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
3 cups quick cooking oats
DIRECTIONS
1. Preheat the oven to 375 degrees F (190 degrees C).
2. In a medium bowl, mix white sugar, butter, and brown sugar. Beat in eggs one at a time, then stir in vanilla.
3. Combine flour, cinnamon, baking soda, and salt, then stir into egg and sugar mixture. Mix in oats. Mix in chocolate chips, combining well. Cover, and chill dough for at least one hour.
4. Grease cookie sheets. Roll the dough into balls, and place 2 inches apart on cookie sheets. Bake for 8 to 10 minutes in preheated oven. Allow cookies to cool on baking sheet for 5 minutes before transferring to a wire rack to cool completely.
* For a little bit of a twist, try replacing the white sugar with maple syrup and adding 1/4 to 1/2 cup of flour (until consistency is right).
Enjoy, and thanks for reading!
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